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| The online magazine for global nomads |
| June 4, 2008 Out of sight but not out of mind Maintaining your relationship with your parents by Sophie Andrews Most global nomads feel guilty or sad about being so far from their parents. But distance doesn’t have to mean a weakening of the bond. Advances in travel and communication mean that we can be just about anywhere in a day’s time and in contact with anyone whenever we want. I felt a lot of unconscious guilt when I first made the decision to leave my home country. I couldn’t really pinpoint what the guilt and because I can’t really talk about my emotions with my mother, I found myself picking fights with her. I didn’t realize what I was doing until I was venting to a close friend about my problem and he pointed it out. The truth is, I still feel guilty AND I’m still arguing with her. Guilt however is not a useful emotion unless you channel it into a productive action. Social psychologist, Susan Newman in her book, “Nobody’s Baby Now” says that sometimes it becomes so difficult to snap out of those irritating dances you’ve been dancing around each other for years that you can’t really see a way out. But there’s no need to despair, she believes that it is possible to develop a new perspective. But first you need to be truthful to yourself. Would you really see |
figure out what the annoying habits, why they annoy you and then find ways to overcome them. For example, I noticed
that telephone calls to my mother which started out happy would end on a slightly uncomfortable note. So the calls
became less frequent. When I sat down to analyse the situation, I realized that it was because we would say things to
each other that the other misconstrued. Sometimes it was in the tone and sometimes it was something that was actually
said. I now ‘talk’ to my mother on IM. I’m far more open and if I get annoyed it doesn’t show in my ‘voice’.
You may have to try harder with long distance relationships but your relationship can actually become stronger because of
the distance. Global nomads and expats need to be more proactive in keeping in touch. This applies to not just your
parents but all relationships you value.
Here are a few ways to get you started:
that telephone calls to my mother which started out happy would end on a slightly uncomfortable note. So the calls
became less frequent. When I sat down to analyse the situation, I realized that it was because we would say things to
each other that the other misconstrued. Sometimes it was in the tone and sometimes it was something that was actually
said. I now ‘talk’ to my mother on IM. I’m far more open and if I get annoyed it doesn’t show in my ‘voice’.
You may have to try harder with long distance relationships but your relationship can actually become stronger because of
the distance. Global nomads and expats need to be more proactive in keeping in touch. This applies to not just your
parents but all relationships you value.
Here are a few ways to get you started:
- Keep a diary of important activities including birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and even doctor’s appointments. Call
or email on these days to find out how things are going. - Plan regular visits and think of atleast one fun activity that you can all do together. This could be a picnic or
something a little different like a family photoshoot. - Call or email regularly. Use technology to remind you if necessary (I set up reminders on Microsoft Outlook).
- Text often even if it’s about something trivial like how you just saw a great movie.
- If you have children, ask them to write their own letters to your parents. They could also send pictures or write
poems.